The Ray Meyer meat market
Greg Schumaker- Graduate, Writing & Publishing
Issue date: 3/1/10 Section: Two Cents
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How very un-Catholic.
Now, I need exercise to function. And "the Ray" has it all: a track, ellipticals, treadmills, weights, a pool, bikes, and God knows what else. To top it all off it's only a 30-second walk to get there from my place. I can get in, get out, get on with my day with a 1,000 fewer calories and a heck of a lot more endorphins.
But there's something else going on here, kids.
As an official adult-meaning I'm a graduate student in a serious relationship-I can't help but notice that the fitness center also doubles as a singles' paradise. Like a swanky bar except you don't have to get dressed up and you're not drunk. Best of both worlds, really.
The proof is in the architecture. The second floor, where most of the exercise equipment lies, overlooks the lobby via a rectangular balcony. You can stretch and check everybody out-from above, without them even noticing! Genius.
Don't act like you're innocent. The girls all wear tight, cute workout gear while the guys-the ones who know what they're doing and actually want to be somewhat sexually appealing-wear tight shirts that show off their muscles. Some dudes, you know who you are, even walk around the floor after several reps to show off their assets. How can a human being not check out another human being in that half hour on a treadmill? You expect a guy to stare at the church's steeple the whole time?
Not to mention everyone's sweaty, shimmering from their workout glow. Think of all the pheromones in the air. Our blood is racing, our hormones are surging, and we're all working towards the same goal: looking sexy.
Yes, some people actually workout because they're sort of professional athletes. But the rest of us workout for one simple reason: We want people to like us when we get naked.
However, in recent years a technological development has thrown a wrench into the machinations of socialization that could occur at the gym. This evil device is known as the iPod. Sure it lets you blare Donna Summer while you're lunging for that fifth mile, but does it make you feel complete?
We have a broken system, people. At the Ray everyone is always checking each other out but no one is talking. Those ear buds are keeping you from striking up a conversation with the boy or girl next to you. It might just be a plot from the pope Himself to discourage intermingling between the sexes in a co-ed atmosphere. Before marriage, of course.
I've nothing to gain from these observations. I can keep my headphones on and my music pounding because I've got a relationship. But you? You should probably heed my advice if you're in a hurry to find love: when life throws you into a store, shop.
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